he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
True college students do jello shots in the library
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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