Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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