Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
