Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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