C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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