can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I need moral support for this bender
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
