you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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