and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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