i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
