my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
