Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
