The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
