Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
