Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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