it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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