I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
