I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize