Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
