Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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