Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize