you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
