I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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