There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
