So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He felt like a one man threesome
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
