I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
