The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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