Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
