I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
