Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
