She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Found your dick twin last night
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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