Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
