You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
