She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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