Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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