Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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