We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
