If that was your dad, he is hot
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
