there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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