Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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