4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
