the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
