6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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