i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
