dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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