Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
