Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
