She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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