Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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