dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
