Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize