Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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