He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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