he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
