someone threw a dead crab at me
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
