So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
