We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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