i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
