lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
