Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
