I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
