just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
COCAINE IS GR8
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
