I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
