god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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