my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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