holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
