I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
