spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
