i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
