are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
