I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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