Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
